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a day to live.... 16.11.2010
A middle-aged man was told at the hospital that he had only
24 hours to live. He went home in a state of shock and fell
into his wife's arms. "I've been told I've
only got 24 hours to live, " he said. "Can we
have sex one last time?" "Of course, honey, "
she said, and they went to bed. Four hours later, he turned
to her and said: "Could we have sex again? I've
only '" got 20 hours to live. It ...
1 Kommentare, 104 Angesehen,
7 Stimmen
,3.30 Gesamtpunktzahl
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using vaseline.... 16.11.2010
A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf
of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use
Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly, "
she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and
burns." "And what about anything else?"
he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed.
"Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she
said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my
husband out."
1 Kommentare, 105 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,4.45 Gesamtpunktzahl
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To Wax or not to Wax ? 12.11.2010
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,
fix dinner, play with the . I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe
should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was
one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump
of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in ...
2 Kommentare, 136 Angesehen,
9 Stimmen
,5.56 Gesamtpunktzahl
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dirty 4 letter words..... 5.11.2010
A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, " said her mother, "how was the
honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama, " she replied, "the honeymoon
as wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon
as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language
- things I'd ...
2 Kommentare, 147 Angesehen,
8 Stimmen
,1.62 Gesamtpunktzahl
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the fishing trip 4.11.2010
Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the
following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able
to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife
I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That's nothing! I had to promise
my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man, you both ...
1 Kommentare, 115 Angesehen,
9 Stimmen
,3.21 Gesamtpunktzahl
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devotion 4.11.2010
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma
for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every
single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her
to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When
I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business
failed, you ...
1 Kommentare, 100 Angesehen,
7 Stimmen
,4.06 Gesamtpunktzahl
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the octopus 4.11.2010
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets
the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This
is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50
that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of
it."
None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought
up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started
picking away, better than Jimi ...
1 Kommentare, 74 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,3.43 Gesamtpunktzahl
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A woman is like a copier. 23.10.2010
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while
to warm up. Because it is an effective reproductive device
when the right buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak
havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
2 Kommentare, 42 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,3.43 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Funny hunny 18.10.2010
i know everyone has at least one hilarious sex story thats
just to funny to be made up...if ur not too embarassed please
share the humor lol
5 Kommentare, 162 Angesehen,
6 Stimmen
,1.94 Gesamtpunktzahl
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surgical procedure 16.10.2010
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his , a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his . "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be
nervous, ; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me . your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
2 Kommentare, 129 Angesehen,
7 Stimmen
,3.55 Gesamtpunktzahl
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evolution 15.10.2010
A little girl asked her father, "How did the human
race come about?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they
had and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her mother the same question.
The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys,
and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad,
how is it ...
1 Kommentare, 110 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,4.12 Gesamtpunktzahl
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she was framed ! 14.10.2010
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away.
His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet,
and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably
distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her
to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat
before they went.
When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted
his wife's coat to ...
3 Kommentare, 114 Angesehen,
8 Stimmen
,3.01 Gesamtpunktzahl
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she was framed ! 14.10.2010
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away.
His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet,
and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably
distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her
to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat
before they went.
When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted
his wife's coat to ...
1 Kommentare, 27 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,4.90 Gesamtpunktzahl
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a lil honey 14.10.2010
A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where
he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his
wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling,
Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so forth. He was impressed at
this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think
it's wonderful that after all these years you still
call your ...
1 Kommentare, 92 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,3.43 Gesamtpunktzahl
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where in the states do people have sex more often? 1.10.2010
There are people that will say out west they have to most
sex because of the nice beaches.then their are people that
will say no the state that have the coldest weather have.
now if they say that az mn fl or those southern state have
more sex. Here is for for thought, in those sunshine states
OLD people out number the young!!! So they must be having
a lot of sex right! nothing wrong with that ...
1 Kommentare, 78 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,0.49 Gesamtpunktzahl
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joe and john 30.9.2010
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out
his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking
it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he
could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that
day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother
John's wife had died suddenly in his ...
2 Kommentare, 131 Angesehen,
9 Stimmen
,4.49 Gesamtpunktzahl
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......but who will get the wet spot?? 30.9.2010
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there
a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was
that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!"
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown,
tie score!"
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says
- "Touchdown, ...
1 Kommentare, 108 Angesehen,
4 Stimmen
,2.47 Gesamtpunktzahl
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matter of opinion...... 30.9.2010
An old man marries a young woman, and though they’re in
love, the wife can’t achieve an orgasm.
They ask a psychiatrist for advice. He says, “Hire a strapping
young man. While you’re making love, have him wave a towel
over your bodies.”
The couple’s desperate, so they hire a male to
wave a towel. But despite a lengthy lovemaking session,
the wife still can’t get ...
1 Kommentare, 92 Angesehen,
2 Stimmen
,2.42 Gesamtpunktzahl
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domestic dispute.... 30.9.2010
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender,
"Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight
with the little woman."
"Oh yeah, " said Eddie. "And how did this
one end?"
"When it was over, " Harvey replied, "she
came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you ...
1 Kommentare, 101 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,2.94 Gesamtpunktzahl
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just funny stories 27.9.2010
seen a pile of funny stories on here so thought id throw mine
up here. funniest thing that ever happened to me during
sex was when me and a girlfriend were house and sitting
at her aunts house and we ended up having sex on the couch.
apparently the dogs thought i was hurting her and two out
of the three dogs kept biting me in the ankles for about ten
minutes. needless to say we moved into the ...
1 Kommentare, 122 Angesehen,
1 Stimmen
,1.10 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Who's The Boss 25.9.2010
A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself.
"You don't have to let your wife henpeck you.
Go home and show her you are the boss." The man was on fire with enthusiasm and couldn't wait
to try to the Doctor's advice. He rushed home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's
face, and growled, "From now on, you're taking
orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when ...
1 Kommentare, 173 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,3.80 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Worth the grin ! 22.9.2010
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom,
that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
a note from his mother. The note ...
2 Kommentare, 180 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,2.05 Gesamtpunktzahl
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halloween 7.9.2010
this couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party
but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband
to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took
some aspirin and went to bed.
Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the
party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around.
As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor
getting ...
3 Kommentare, 181 Angesehen,
9 Stimmen
,4.07 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Husband & wife ! 5.9.2010
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect. ...
6 Kommentare, 244 Angesehen,
23 Stimmen
,3.71 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Check for Alzheimer's ! 3.9.2010
The following was developed as a mental age assessment
by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without
making a mistake.
The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is ...
5 Kommentare, 144 Angesehen,
13 Stimmen
,1.13 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Happy woman ! 2.9.2010
A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping
on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you
have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter
with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I
don't care what you think. I just came from having a
mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I ...
2 Kommentare, 177 Angesehen,
16 Stimmen
,2.98 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Quickie in the Bushes ! 2.9.2010
There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a path way for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for ...
1 Kommentare, 130 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,1.67 Gesamtpunktzahl
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the earring 2.9.2010
Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker,
Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker
to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about
his sudden change in "fashion sense."
"Hey Joe, " he yells out, "I didn't
know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's
only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly.
"No ...
1 Kommentare, 119 Angesehen,
1 Stimmen
,3.70 Gesamtpunktzahl
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in the beginning.... 1.9.2010
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What’s the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious
comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to ...
2 Kommentare, 117 Angesehen,
4 Stimmen
,2.86 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Paper Bag 28.8.2010
Two guys were in a bar arguing whos wife was the ugliest.
 This went on for some time, until finally they told each
other to prove it./:>
So they leave the bar and go to one of the guys house. Guy walks in and says "Honey Im Home"
Wife walks in and yes she was ugly and husband says to the
other guy "see I told you she was ugly" Other
guy says "OMG" YOUR RIGHT ...
5 Kommentare, 239 Angesehen,
16 Stimmen
,2.69 Gesamtpunktzahl
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