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Blonde Jokes 8.6.2004
What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Goes
home! lol
<br>
What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Opens
the car door! lol
<br>
A blonde and a burnette jump out of an airplane. Which one
hits the ground first? The brunette. Because the blonde
has to stop and ask for directions. lol
<br>
What do a 747 and a blonde have in ...
0 Kommentare, 35 Angesehen,
16 Stimmen
,0.48 Gesamtpunktzahl
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What's up Doc 8.6.2004
A swinging young doctor woke up in the middle of the night
with a painful erection. So he called a girlfriend to ask
if she could come right over.
"I am sorry, Doc, " said the girl, "but
I never make house calls this late. I suggest some aspirin,
and if the sweling hasn't gone down by morning, give
me another call."
0 Kommentare, 14 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,0.86 Gesamtpunktzahl
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What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common? 7.6.2004
What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
<br>
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for
a two minute ride!!
0 Kommentare, 10 Angesehen,
17 Stimmen
,4.96 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Why do woman get their belly buttons pierced? 7.6.2004
Q: Why do woman get their belly buttons pierced?
<br>
A: So they have a place to hang a air freshener!
0 Kommentare, 5 Angesehen,
16 Stimmen
,0.04 Gesamtpunktzahl
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The benefits of sex-- true facts 7.6.2004
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person
is
sexually active or not?
<br>
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that
when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone
estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
<br>
<br>
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of
suffering dermatitis, skin ...
0 Kommentare, 28 Angesehen,
18 Stimmen
,6.13 Gesamtpunktzahl
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey... 7.6.2004
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey
jumps all around the place.
<br>
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then
grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the
pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in
his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows
it whole.
<br>
The bartender screams at the ...
0 Kommentare, 17 Angesehen,
19 Stimmen
,7.48 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Monica Lewinski Called Me For Advice 7.6.2004
Monica Lewinski called me the other day asking for advice.
She said she looked in the mirror and thought she looked
fat. Said she was planning to get a boob job, and asked if
I thought it would make her look better. I said yes, but asked
her why she wanted to get a boob job. I told her all she had
to do was take a little piece of toilet paper, fold it and
wipe it between her boobs a ...
0 Kommentare, 16 Angesehen,
10 Stimmen
,3.39 Gesamtpunktzahl
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A guy walks into a bar... 7.6.2004
A guy walks into an upscale bar with a small wooden box under
his arm.
<br>
He talks to the barkeep and says, "May I speak to the
owner?"
"I'm the owner."
"Well, sir, I promise you that if you allow me to bring
this box in here every night, it will triple your business!
Guaranteed."
"How can that box do that?"
<br>
So the man puts the box down and taps on it ...
0 Kommentare, 12 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,5.04 Gesamtpunktzahl
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5.6.2004
DEFINITION OF
ASSAULT WITH A FRIENDLY WEAPON!!!
0 Kommentare, 20 Angesehen,
87 Stimmen
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funny oneliners 5.6.2004
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
<br>
There's no business like show business, but there's
no job like a
blowjob.
<br>
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitute meat.
<br>
What do you call born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
<br>
What is every Amish ...
0 Kommentare, 9 Angesehen,
68 Stimmen
,7.28 Gesamtpunktzahl
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more one liners 5.6.2004
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That
way a woman
can be at her best when she is at her worst.
<br>
What does WIFE stand for?
Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etcetera
<br>
What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight!
<br>
What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like?
Depends...
<br>
What's "68"?
You do me ...
0 Kommentare, 34 Angesehen,
44 Stimmen
,8.06 Gesamtpunktzahl
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reasons to go to work naked 5.6.2004
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass
in here by
8:00!"
<br>
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to
work on your
tan.
<br>
3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in
my pants."
<br>
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down
your
blouse.
<br>
5. You want to see if it's like the ...
0 Kommentare, 10 Angesehen,
70 Stimmen
,6.57 Gesamtpunktzahl
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raid at the sperm bank 5.6.2004
A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
<br>
"Open the f*cking safe" he yells at the girl
behind the counter.
<br>
"But we're not a real bank" she replies,
"we don't have any money,
This is a sperm bank".
<br>
"Don't argue, open the f*cking safe or I'll
blow your head off"
<br>
She obliges and once she's opened the safe ...
0 Kommentare, 67 Angesehen,
80 Stimmen
,7.81 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Important Info for women: 5.6.2004
1) Every blowjob you give adds one month to your life.
<br>
2) If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to
five
porterhouse steaks - but contains only 15 calories.
<br>
3) A hand-job a day keeps arthritis away.
<br>
4) Every ten minutes of love-making is equivalent to thirty
minutes on the treadmill.
<br>
5) Doing it doggie-style will ...
0 Kommentare, 22 Angesehen,
56 Stimmen
,8.21 Gesamtpunktzahl
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One Chinese Proverb 5.6.2004
Man who go to sleep with problem in mind mind wake up with
solution in hand!
0 Kommentare, 52 Angesehen,
6 Stimmen
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Ecstasy and Birth control 4.6.2004
What do you get when you take ecstasy and birth control?
A trip without the .
0 Kommentare, 9 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,4.29 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Car stereo 4.6.2004
A new car stereo comes equipped with voice-activated software.
If you yell out "rock, " it tunes in to a rock
station. If you say "classical, " it switches
to a classical music station. If you say "country, "
it changes to a country music station. But one unhappy consumer
complained that while he was driving, some ran
out in front of his car. Hitting the brakes, he muttered,
"fucking ." ...
0 Kommentare, 6 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,4.10 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Voodoo dick 4.6.2004
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on
a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious
sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to
keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't
much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went
to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was ...
0 Kommentare, 34 Angesehen,
18 Stimmen
,5.72 Gesamtpunktzahl
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New Tax LAw 4.6.2004
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around
unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time
it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top
of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
<br>
Effective January 1st, 2002, the penis will be taxed according
to ...
0 Kommentare, 16 Angesehen,
9 Stimmen
,4.92 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Blonde Joke 4.6.2004
A brunette secretary told a blonde secretary, "I
know how to get some time off from work."
"How?" the blonde asked.
The brunette climbed on top of the file cabinet, grabbed
hold on the ceiling lamp and just hung there. The boss walked
in and asked what she was doing. "I'm a light bulb, "
the brunette answered.
"You need some time off, " the boss told her.
The blonde followed ...
0 Kommentare, 24 Angesehen,
28 Stimmen
,5.70 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Brooster the Rooster 4.6.2004
A farmer had 200 hens but no rooster. He wanted chicks, so
he asked a neighbor if he had a rooster for sale. "Well,
I have one, but he's expensive, " the neighbor
said. "His name is Brooster. He'll service every
chicken you got, no problem."
The farmer bought Brooster, took him home, set him down
in the barnyard and gave him a pep talk. "Brooster, "
the farmer said, "I want you to pace ...
0 Kommentare, 41 Angesehen,
20 Stimmen
,7.21 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Woman's perfect breakfast 3.6.2004
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
0 Kommentare, 7 Angesehen,
12 Stimmen
,1.21 Gesamtpunktzahl
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motorcycles and vaseline 3.6.2004
this guy has always dreamed of owning a new motorcycle.
one day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down
to the dealer. after he picks out the perfect bike, the dealer
tells him about an old biker trick that will keep the chrome
on his new bike free from rust.
<br>
the dealer tells him that all he has to do is to keep a jar of
vaseline handy and put it on the chrome ...
1 Kommentare, 61 Angesehen,
30 Stimmen
,7.55 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Understanding Women 3.6.2004
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
<br>
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.
0 Kommentare, 37 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,3.47 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Creation 3.6.2004
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how
you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
0 Kommentare, 9 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,5.75 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Girls night out 3.6.2004
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out, but
had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so
they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to
wipe with so she thought she could take off her panties,
use them and throw them away. Her friend however was wearing
a rather expensive pair of panties and did ...
0 Kommentare, 16 Angesehen,
18 Stimmen
,5.72 Gesamtpunktzahl
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New Teacher 2.6.2004
A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students.
As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all
the students to introduce themselves with name, and hobby.
She said "Let's start with the boys first. Boys
start giving their intro.
<br>
First boy "My name is john, and my hobby is to see bubble
in the bath tub." Teacher was confused to listen and
said ...
0 Kommentare, 40 Angesehen,
35 Stimmen
,4.56 Gesamtpunktzahl
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The Doctors Office 2.6.2004
The Doctor's Office
<br>
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get
a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
<br>
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's
office and gave him the! Jar, which was as clean and empty
as on the previous day. The doctor asked ...
0 Kommentare, 10 Angesehen,
42 Stimmen
,7.78 Gesamtpunktzahl
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What do you get when you cross...... 2.6.2004
What do you get when you cross a pickle with a female deer
?
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
A "dill-doe"
0 Kommentare, 7 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,1.96 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Do the Math? 2.6.2004
A businessman sends his wife a fax:
<br>
"To my dear wife:
<br>
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that
you with your 54 years can no longer satisfy.
<br>
I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife.
<br>
Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly
interpret the fact that I will be ...
0 Kommentare, 12 Angesehen,
2 Stimmen
,5.20 Gesamtpunktzahl
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